The power of your language
Jul 08, 2025
Your language is magical as it has the ability to express more than we intended. There is a cause and effect of our language. What is the effect of your internal language on you and your ability to create what you want in your life? Here are a few ideas from NLP that will help to set you up for success.
Tip 1: Your brain looks where you point it
When you ask yourself questions your brain has to look for answers so if you ask “Why do I struggle with this?” your brain has to look in the big box marked ‘struggle’ to answer the question. It’s the same when you ask “What is another reason to be happy?” you brain has to look in the big box marked ‘happy’. Which box would you prefer focusing on?
Tip 2: Avoid the negative
Do not frame the question in a negative sense.
Using words like NOT, CAN’T, WON’T, and DON’T usually elicits reasons why you do NOT have something, as opposed to finding solutions as to how you can get something. For example, the following are terrible questions, which only create more reasons to feel miserable:
Why can’t I ever get ahead? Why won’t anything good ever happen to me? Why don’t I have any money? Why can't I find a successful relationship?
These questions focus on what you don't want. The only answers you would get from these poor quality questions are answers that CONFIRM or REINFORCE your worst fears and doubts. Instead, ask a question that focuses on what you want in a positive way such as 'How can I learn from successful people that will help me to move ahead in the way that I want?
Tip 3: Frame the question to look for answers from the present or future
This is essential; because you want to move toward what you want, not look back at what you did wrong in the past. The question of “Why am I such a failure?” only brings up past events or past emotions, which confirm the disempowering presupposition that you are a failure. While not a good question, “How can I avoid failing in the future?” would be better than the first question, and can still be improved.
Why? The question why is to be avoided because you have to visualise what you don’t want (failure) in order to make sense of the question at all. You only want images in your head that elicit positive emotions. If failure is an issue for you, take the opposite of failure, which is success, and build a question for what you are moving toward, not away from. “How can I be even more successful this month?” This presupposes that you are successful already. This looks forward into the future. And there is nothing negative in the sentence.
Simple yet powerful question structures
Start to build your own powerful directional questions with the presuppositions you want accepted. Here is the formula: Question word (how etc.) + pronoun (I, you etc.) + problem to solve
Eg “How can I improve my understanding of language?” – this question presupposes you already understand it to a degree and that improvement is possible. Much better than “why can’t I grasp this?” – that looks for a lot of bad evidence.
Conclusion
‘Directional Language’ is a simple technique that you can use every day, for the rest of your life. No matter how successful you become, there is always something more that you want. More love. More comfort. More time with your family. More happiness…
These techniques moves you from the attitude of “problem frame” into the attitude of “solution frame”. It’s all about asking the right question.
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Lindsey and the team at Team NLP
