How to Resolve Conflict Using NLP Techniques

I taught an online session this morning to our latest group of NLP Practitioners.  It was all about how to improve our relationships where a deep understanding of the situation and the other person involved is of importance using a process called 'Perceptual Positions'. This process builds:

• Self-awareness and better understanding of our own perception of a situation
• Empathy and better understanding of the other person involved
• The objective view of the situation and discovers new ideas to improve the situation

Perceptual Positions can be used with family, friends, work colleagues - in fact in any 2-way relationship that is generating misunderstanding and negative feelings. It is a process that we teach extensively in our NLP, coaching and leadership development programs. It can either be facilitated or you can work through it on your own. 

There are three basic positions of perception that we can take in any situation: first position (our own shoes, seeing the world through our own eyes), second position (standing in other person’s shoes) or third position (neutral observer).

In the first position, you are looking at the world through your own eyes, You are processing it through your own values, beliefs, emotions, Your own needs and feelings are in the centre of your thinking. 

The second position is the position of empathy – it means that you are perceiving the world through the other person's needs, desires, emotions and perceptions taking their “map of the world” into account. Of course, you are not that person, and, this process helps you to stand in their shoes and get a better understanding of what is going on for them. 

The third position is one of neutral observer – this position is all about noticing the people involved without the emotional involvement and without being tangled in our own (or other persons) needs.
The third position allows a bit of distance and clarity but also better understanding of the relationship that is playing our between those directly involved.

This process allows us to understand each situation much better and to be more flexible in our behaviour. The next step is to choose a situation where your communication didn’t go very smoothly, preferably a 1:1 conversation, where there was some misunderstanding, confusion or even a conflict. Once you have the situation, work through each of the following sets of questions, standing up and stretching in between each position to shake off any emotion. Journal your answers, especially about how your perception has changed. 

In the first position (through your own eyes), ask yourself:

1. How are you behaving?
2. How are you feeling?
3. What do you believe about the situation?
4. What's important to you?
5. What is there for you to learn?
6. How has your perception changed?

In second position (through the other person's eyes), ask yourself the same questions. You may be surprised about what insights come up. 

In third position (imagine you are looking down on both participants of this situation) and ask yourself the following questions.  

1. How are they each behaving?
2. How are they each feeling?
3. What beliefs do they each appear to be using?
4. What's important to each of them?
5. What is there for you to learn?
6. How has your perception changed?

Then come back into yourself or first position, bringing your new learnings and perspectives with you.  How can you take action on these when you next communicate with the other person? 

If you would like to know about NLP we have a free online program you can start today! 

Free Online Course Introduction to NLP

Have a great week.

Lindsey and the team at Team NLP.